• Copywork365
  • Posts
  • 28-MAY-2025 | Excerpt from “Immortality, Inc.” by Robert Sheckley

28-MAY-2025 | Excerpt from “Immortality, Inc.” by Robert Sheckley

Author

Dan Bogachek
May 28, 2025

You glance at your watch.

It’s 6:28. You’ve been at it since 3.
Crap. Your hot date is at 7. Running late. Sink shower it is.
Nowhere close to done editing…

“…at least all the ideas are laid out, so there’s that. Did I miss anything? I don’t think so? Ok, but how do I make it flow? I need to get the final draft to Stacey for design asap, team cutoff is at noon Thursday…”

You’ve spent dinner completely distracted. Your date just took off. You go home exhausted, plod to your desk, and flip open the laptop.

Or… what if:

5:41 — you’re out of the shower and lip-syncing.
6:17 — dressed to the nines and zenned out.
7:03 — the sunset glints off your aviators as you smile hello.
8:36 — it actually feels like you’re hitting it off. Not just hot, funny to boot.
Next morning, 9:27 — final draft ready in your inbox.
10:31 — Stacey messages back, “thanks, looks good!”

The difference?

Copygloss handled it. Before you left for the date, actually.

For help with editing, email Dan:
[email protected].

Excerpt from “Immortality, Inc.” by Robert Sheckley

He walked past the rickety tenements and ancient apartment houses, past the cheap saloons and night clubs, hands thrust in his pockets, trying to think. He would have to come up with a plan. The hunters would get him in the next hour or two if he couldn’t work out some plan, some way of getting out of New York.

Jones had told him that the transportation services were being watched. What hope had he, then? He was unarmed, defenseless — 🏁 

Robert Sheckley is one of my favorite authors.

This is the start of Chapter 26. Note the care Sheckley takes in painting the scene with a meaty first sentence. The following one is much shorter.

It’s great rhythm play — accentuating the shift from the character’s journey to his inner thoughts.

How do you feel at the end of the first paragraph? It leaves you hanging. How is he going to get out of New York?

The second paragraph piles on even more tension.

All it takes is two short paragraphs to suck you right into the chapter.